It’s funny how we spend so much time pointing fingers in a relationship and not enough time trying to figure out why we’re upset in the first place. By relationship I dont necessarily mean a lover or hubby or wifey or significant other. It could be a friend, your neighbor, a roommate, someone you work with, etc. No matter who you are, we have ALL either said, thought or felt slighted, or disappointed, maybe even confused by someone in our lives. We have ALL also acted or re-acted (yes, there is a difference) poorly in a situation, or held our secret resentment inside to fester or possibly went straight postal on someone at least once in our lives. If you say you haven’t, then you’re lying…………in which case you should continue reading & allow me to site examples of how you’re either in denial or just full of good ol’ fashioned crapola. (Or you’re a total saint, in which I would like to meet you)
For example, we have all had at least one of the following escape our lips: “If XXX does that for them, why doesn’t XXXX ever do THAT for me?” or how’s about: “XXXX always makes me feel like this” or my personal fave: “Why can’t XXXX ever just shut the heck up?” etc…etc. Admit it. Some of you might have said one of those very quips just moments ago. Yet, do we ever really stop to think WHY we need them to do/not-do, say/not-say, be chatty or just shut up to begin with? Nope…it’s easier to just ‘con-blame’ instead. (See that? See what I did there? Combined complain & blame? No? Ah well, I never claimed to be funny.) You see, for every effect there is a cause…..so for every “WTF moment” there is a deeper rooted reason from whence it came. I mean, if you’re upset with your ‘hunny/friend/coworker/dog’ because they didn’t call, didn’t follow through with a promise, ate your last slice of pizza, or forgot to flush the toilet after lamb curry, it’s understandable. (Especially the Lamb Curry. Seriously.) What’s not understandable, however, is why we never seem to look deeper into the issue, let alone from the other person’s side, as to why it bothers us altogether or if it even makes sense to be upset to begin with. More often than not, you’re upset with something that has nothing to do with the slice of pizza, unmade phone call or even the special ‘gift’ left for you in the toilet. (Well…..that’s one’s understandable…..especially on a hot summer day. Blech.)
We all have pet peeves & we all have emotional triggers. We all have preferences & we all have needs. Not all of them coincide with the the pet peeves, triggers, & amp;preferences of our roommate, relatives, significant other, pets…but hey, that’s life. It’s out of our control as to what others will do or how they (re)act. Yet, how much control do WE really have over our own (re)actions to their peeves, needs, triggers, etc? Depending on how honest you’d like to be with yourself, it could be anywhere from complete control to none whatsoever. Now get out there and just do you. never you mind what others are up to or why. We’ve all been there at least once in our lives so don’t judge, Judy.
Sure not everyone on this planet gushes over babies or cries at weddings. Not everyone on this planet will go through watching those ASPCA commercials (you know the ones) on mute because you can’t handle the imagery of animal cruelty set to Sarah McLaughlin’s “Angel”. Not everyone can know what your thinking or feeling on their own. If you’re lucky enough to find someone who can, make sure its not because you make it impossible for them to see anything else. Oh, and don’t fret when even then they still might not understand it or even you for that matter. The point is to be able to express yourself in a way that’s positive and you can only do that once you’ve realized the real reason you’re upset to begin with.
Either way, communication is key and finding a way that works for you is even key-er. To then be able to adapt this theory into your own personal circumstances next time they arise is key-est. There’s no real specific point, just a little food for thought the next time someone gets your panties into a twist. To be fair, sometimes there are easy answers while at others there’s no explanation no matter how much soul searching you do….but if you find a place where you can gain a little understanding, reach some sort of peace & attempt a positive outlook on the situation, then whatever happens in the world around you becomes a pill that’s just a tad easier to swallow. And yes Virginia, you should always swallow.
* perfizample *