There is a theory that too much Diet Coke interfered with the late comic George Carlin’s heart condition and/or medication, ultimately leading to his death. Specifically, the alleged culprit being the aspartame in the Diet Coke: “If Carlin’s death was related to aspartame then Carlin killed himself, not the other way around, by choosing to ingest the poison.” (whoever said this MUST’VE received the “Sensitive Coca-Cola Employee of the Month” Award)
This is based on a report by a Dr. Betty Martini which claims that the comedian was “addicted” to Diet Coke. Given I was myself, for a time, “addicted” to regular coke, I totally believe this is possible. Seriously, I was. I would drink an average of 6-10 cokes a day in high-school, sometimes waking up in the middle of the night salivating and damn near “kicking” like a heroin addict from coca-cola withdrawal and I would have to drive to the store at 3am just to fix it. But I digress…. 
Aspartame has been blamed for several negative health conditions, including but not limited to migraines, nausea, Alzheimer’s, diabetes, heart problems, cancer, and multiple sclerosis, not to mention birth defects, lupus, seizures and even Gulf War Syndrome…even in people who’ve never been out of the USA let alone in the military or part of the Persian Gulf Conflict. OBVIOUSLY, these claims are not only controversial but most are possibly flat out FALSE since just as no single chemical can cure everything, no single chemical can cause everything either. However, the question remains: Did Diet Coke “kill” George Carlin? Many people still claim to have the answer, whether it be yes, no or maybe but what I want to know is where this claim even came from. How many Diet Cokes would Carlin have to ingest to be considered addicted? Is there any proof that he consistently did so? What about any medications, new foods or drinks he may have introduced to his system or even stress? What about the coroner’s report? Did it say “death by poison”? Can aspartame even be clinically deemed “poison” and if so what’s next? The stevia plant? The cocoa bean?!?! Oh the shame!
Me personally, I don’t like aspartame or any other artificial sweetener as I seem to have an allergy to them. I mostly suffer from a severe headache if its ingested in a small dose (like sugar-free gum) but anything more than a few bites or sips of something with a sugar substitute, I’m stuck with a massive headache, numb tongue and some vomiting. So clearly I’m not a pro-aspartame band-wagoner. However, Coca-Cola did have THIS girl wrapped around its little red & white label back in the day and I probably paid their light bill for atleast a week off of my need to have one every other hour. And if the type of diet coke you see here was actually available to consume, I’d drink it in a heartbeat – all headaches, numb mouth and pukey-ness be damned! But back to the main reason for this post. Regardless of why he passed, George Carlin was one of THE best comics of all time, period. Here are just a few of my favorites:
– “No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.”
– “If a man stands in the woods talking and there is no woman around to hear him…is he still wrong?”
– “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things”
– “As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.”
– “Who’s cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have an “S” in it?”
– “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
– “One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.”
– “Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town”.
– “Ever notice that when driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?”
– “The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating…and you finish off as an orgasm.”
*perfizample*
